Bits of me

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Wash Day....

Wash Day....

Now, this is really a cute one. . . .I've been thinking of all the unhappiness I've noticed creeping into Jland...Hope we all look at the following and then at ourselves....Let's make Jland a place to be ourselves and accept others.....LOVE YA

> Monday

Wash Day

Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve
> you with perfect humility through the week ahead.

> Tuesday
>
> Ironing Day
> Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have
> collected though the years so that I may see the beauty in others.

> Wednesday
> Mending Day
> O God, help me mend my ways so I will not set a bad example for others.

> Thursday
> Cleaning Day
> Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding
> in the secret corners of my heart.

> Friday
> Shopping Day
> O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal
> happiness for myself and all others in need of love.

> Saturday
> Cooking Day
> Help me, my Saviour, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it
>
> with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.
>

Sunday
>
> The Lord's Day
> O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please come into my heart so I
>
> may spend the day and the rest of my life in your presence.

Monday, 21 May 2007

Showering protocol

LOL I just LOVE this.....funny how we humans can laugh at ourselves(well ...most of the time :-)

Shower Protocol

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to
lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT'S TRUE!!!!!!

Sunday, 20 May 2007

Fishing trip

Nice bass!

My boys are avid fishermen so I thought I'd share some pics.Although they love catching the fish, they refuse to eat them,so we usually throw them back.

SPOT THE FISH!!!

Beautiful sunset!!!

Saturday, 19 May 2007

wives....gotta love 'em

You might have seen this, but I find it sooo funny and TRUE!!!!

Words Women Use.. And What They Mean!

FINE

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

25 Secrets of Endless Love

1. We remember the moments in life, not the days.

2. Face-to-face conversations don't work by phone.

3. Gifts are not a substitute for caring.

4. People are not yo-yos. Drop them, and they may not return.

5. When kids are ready to talk, be ready to listen.

6. An ounce of love outweighs a pound of promises.

7. You can prepare your children for life, but you can't live it for them.

8. Uncles and aunts are the parents who didn't give birth to you.

9. A strong marriage is the union of two staunch individualists.

10. Turning your back and walking away ends more than just a conversation.

11. Marrying for money is a high price to pay.

12. Yell at your children and get the same in return.

13. If you take things for granted, you won't have them for very long.

14. Caring should be demonstrated 365 days a year, not just on holidays.

15. A well-fed child can still be starved for affection.

16. The most important things a child can inherit are fond memories.

17. Sharing an hour of memories with an elder is often better than a week's worth of medicine.

18. The two greatest time savers are saying, "I don't know" and "I was wrong."

19. Watch your children grow, and they will teach you what you've taught them.

20. Never go to bed before settling an argument.

21. There's a difference between nurturing your children and smothering them.

22. Relationships are built on the little things.

23. If we give our children everything, we deprive them of aspirations.

24. Celebrate holidays as a family.

25. Never stop courting your spouse.