An inscription problem

 According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

LOL.....

Offensive?

I know this photo might offend some of you but I thought I'd share a bit of Africa with you. These men had bumped over and killed a cow and ,as in our country most of the population is starving , this is not really surprising to see.The green stuff is the cud removed from the intestines.It did upset my younger son when we drove by though (my elder son took the pic from his cell phone)Not a sight you see everyday, but a sight that is a reality check to those of us who can easily buy the food we need!I used the opportunity to educate my children!! They often pull up their noses at the meals I prepare for them!(sad that our country, like so many others, have the two extremes)

 

 

Idiots on the PC

Idiots on the computer

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.

LOL.....I don't feel as bad now and you??

Quickie

A skeleton goes into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

 

 

LOL....told you it's a quickie :-))))))

Have a GREAT weekend Jland!!!!

 

A bit of Bull LOL

CONJONES DE TOROS

 A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following
 a day roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his
 tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
 platter being served at the next table.
 Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
 He asked the waiter,

 "What is that you just served?"
 The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent
 taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, Bull's
 testicles from the bull fight this morning. A
 delicacy!"

 The cowboy said, "What the heck bring me an order."

 The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is
 only one serving per day because there is only one
 bull fight each morning. If you come early and place
 your order, we will be sure to save you this
 delicacy."

 The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his
 order, and that evening was served the one and only
 special delicacy of the day.

 After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but
 they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you
serve yesterday"

 The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si,
 Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.

LOL Have a good rest of the week friends!

Arise today!

Saint Patrick’s Breastplate

 

 

I arise today

Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity

Through belief in the threeness

Through confession of the oneness

Of the Creator of Creation

 

I arise today

Through the strength of Christ’s birth with His baptism

Through the strength of His crucifixion with His burial

Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of Doom

 

I arise today

Through the strength of the love of Cherubim

In obedience of angels in the service of archangels

In hope of resurrection to meet with reward

In prayers of patriarchs

In predictions of prophets

In preaching of apostles

In faith of confessors

In innocence of virgins

In deeds of righteous men

 

I arise today

Through the strength of heaven

Light of sun

Radiance of moon

Splendour of fire

Speed of lightening

Swiftness of wind

Depth of sea

Stability of earth

Firmness of rock

 

I arise today

Through God’s strength to pilot me

God’s might to uphold me

God’s wisdom to guide me

God’s eye to look before me

God’s ear to speak for me

God’s word to speak for me

God’s hand to guard me

God’s way to lie before me

God’s shield to protect me

God’s host to save me

From snares of devils

From temptation of vices

From everyone who shall wish me ill

Afar and a-near

Alone and in multitude

 

I summon today all these powers between me and these evils

Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul

Against incantations and false prophets

Against black laws of pagandom

Against false laws of heretics

Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards

Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul

 

Christ to shield me today

Against poison, against burning, against drowning, against wounding

So that there may come to me abundance of reward

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me

Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me

 

Christ on my right, Christ on my left

Christ when I lie down¸ Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise

Christ in the heart of every man that thinks of me

Christ in the mouth of everyonewho speaks of me

Christ in every eye that sees me

Christ in every ear that hears me

 

I arise today

Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity

Through belief in the threeness

Through confession of the oneness

Of the Creator of Creation

 

This was such a blessing to read....made me feel like I could conquer the world!! :-)

I know there are so very many Jlander friends hurting and I pray that these words will offer comfort and help you ARISE TODAY!! LOOOVE YOU!!!!!

 

Very urgent warning

VERY VERY VERY URGENT!!!!

Please take note!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate people that forward too many warnings, but this one is extremely important! Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on lice and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around a pole, do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked.

 

(I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now... )

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOL....thought you'd all enjoy a good laugh! Have a GREAT weekend LOVE YA!!!!!!