Relocation update

Our plans to relocate to the UK are going along rapidly now. I have had a paper trail from h#ll to sort out but I'M DONE. I have our passports,police clearance certificates, vault copies of marriage and birth certificates, qualification certificates and only still await our visas. I have been for an interview with an employment agency and they have reassured me of finding work in the town we are moving to.

My husband will be working in Amersham, but we will be living in or around High Wycombe (Buckinghamshire county, South East England).The organising of this move has been a lot easier than I had imagined, BUT I had not bargained on the emotional side of things.I have four weeks left at the school where I have been teaching for 18 years! I feel rather emotional about leaving and I suppose a little insecure about starting my career all over again in a new country.Sometimes I wonder if I have the strength for this challenge, but I know it's something I have to do. While I love my country soo much and it really hurts to leave it, things are not going well in this country.The schools and hospitals are being mismanaged terribly and I don't think the rest of the world realises that the Madiba magic has done nothing for the plight of the poor in this country. So ALL races can attend school or go to any beach they want and vote too- that's the way it should be, BUT most of their lives have not changed AT ALL. They still live in squalor and with the rising cost of living and terrible crime rate, none of us see much in the way of transformation.In Cape Town the latest stats are that 50 people die PER DAY due to gang wars.Jo'burg is worse.....

sigh...sorry for ranting a bit...but it's so very frustrating to see a "new" Zimbabwe happening in my own country.I guess I am feeling emotional about this move!

The only thing that is a bit of a problem is that we have not sold our house yet.My niece has agreed to rent our house from us with the option to buy at a later stage, but we actually need that money to relocate as I don't really want to use my pension payout for that purpose, so... as you can see timing is the only problem at the moment.We don't have any friends or family near to where we will be moving to so the idea of arriving in a new country and not knowing where will put our heads down that night is just a tad daunting LOL I suppose it will be a B+B for a few days until we find a place to rent :-)

Thanks for all your positive vibes....have been "feeling" them in cyberspace :-) Keep 'em coming as I need them :-))

My husband laughs at me as each day when he gets home from work I tell him "I've given so and so this and that"....I feel like Santa HEHE.It's quite emotional doing "last things" sniff....last class,last prize-giving, last braai, last hug :-::::::::: GOSH !!!THINK I"M MENOPAUSAL LOLOL

Love ya JLand xxxxxxxxx

Menopause

Know it's been a while, but what better way to keep in touch than to share a laugh with friends!

 

 

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? 

Woman's Answer: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?  Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And,! ! once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the factthat they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!  AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!  BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!!!!  IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!    IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET ROLL!!  

I'm sorry. What was the question?

1907

 THE YEAR 1907

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1907.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some  statistics for the Year  1907 :

************************************

The average life expectancy  was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars   and only 144 miles

Of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the

Eiffel Tower !

The average wage in 1907  was 22 cents per hour.

The average  worker made between$200 and $400 per year .

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births  took place at HOME .

Ninety percent of all  doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which

Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used

Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from

Entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death  were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada, was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea

Hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10  adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect  guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households   had at least

One full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE ! U.S.A. !

Ah...women

I'm not a feminist...really!LOL

 

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Vogue.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Business Week.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.





WOMEN'S REVENGE
  "Cash, check or charge?"  I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase.   As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse.  "So, do you always carry your
TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied," but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."





UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh; rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.







MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."  He addressed
the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"  Tom leaned over,
touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?





CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.



  A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.  She says, confused,
"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?



  He answers, "You see, it's like this:
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,

and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; because it's soooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.(ew..sorry!!)
(This guy must be the one on the milk carton!)





WIFE VS. HUSBAND

  A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.


As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."





W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "That's because we have to repeat everything to men. The
husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

  CREATION

 A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain:
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"





WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about whom
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."


Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him  at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"





The Silent Treatment

  A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment.  Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.


Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM .  " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM  and he
had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.  The paper said, "It  's 5:00 AM  wake up."



Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


Have a good weekend ! LOVE YA XXX

Nelson

Love this :-))....knowing Mr Mandela I'm sure he would giggle at this!!

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

"You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.


Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,


"You Sign! You sign!"


Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.


The next day he hears a knock at the door again.


When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.


He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,


"You sign! You sign!"


Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:


"Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.


The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.


On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,


"You sign! You sign!"


Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.


This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:


"Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"


The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:



(It's a beauty)


(Wait for it)



(Get your best Chinese accent ready)






"You not Nissan Main Deala?" 
 

LOL :-))))

 

 

 

Awesome

I took these photos of the suns' rays shining through on a totally overcast day! I am often at awe of nature and this was like God peeping down on us...LOL not very Biblical as He watches over His children ALL the time,but nevertheless, it made me feel closer to Him some how.It also reminded me of how awesome the bright star over Bethlehem must have been like for the wise men.

just starting to peep

It shone like this for about 30 minutes!!

Sharing in marriage

 The sharing of marriage...

 

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered … 

 

 

"THE TEETH."

eeew... :-/