Ah...women

I'm not a feminist...really!LOL

 

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Vogue.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Business Week.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.





WOMEN'S REVENGE
  "Cash, check or charge?"  I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase.   As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse.  "So, do you always carry your
TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied," but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."





UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh; rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.







MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."  He addressed
the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"  Tom leaned over,
touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?





CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.



  A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.  She says, confused,
"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?



  He answers, "You see, it's like this:
yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,

and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; because it's soooooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.(ew..sorry!!)
(This guy must be the one on the milk carton!)





WIFE VS. HUSBAND

  A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.


As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."





W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "That's because we have to repeat everything to men. The
husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

  CREATION

 A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain:
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"





WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about whom
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."


Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him  at
the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"





The Silent Treatment

  A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment.  Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.


Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM .  " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM  and he
had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.  The paper said, "It  's 5:00 AM  wake up."



Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


Have a good weekend ! LOVE YA XXX