Wife version 1.0

PROGRAM CALLED:  WIFE/ GIRLFRIEND

Dear Tech Support:  

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend  version 7.0to Wife version  1.0.   I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected  child processing that took up a  lot of space and valuable resources. In  addition, Wife 1.0installed itself  into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications  such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and  Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6
I  can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the  background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about  going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but  the uninstall doesn't work on Wife  1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.  (KEEP READING)
___________________________________  

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem  that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a  Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife  1.0 is an  OPERATING  SYSTEM..

You cannot go back to  Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.  Look in your Wife 1.0 manual underWarnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend  that you keep Wife1.0 and work on  improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application  "Yes  Dear"to  alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter  the commandC:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately  you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to  normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a  great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support  programs, such as Clean and Sweep  3.0,  Cook It  1.5 and Do Bills  4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these  programs . Improper use will cause the system to launch the programNag  Nag 9.5. Once this  happens, the only way to improve the performance ofWife 1.0 is to purchase additional  softwarecalled   Flowers 2.1 and  Diamonds  5.0!  

WARNING!!! DO  NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This  application is not supported byWife  1.0 and will cause irreversible  damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech  Support<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

 

LOL....glad my hubby installed this operating system 17 years ago and its still in operation...

 

 

Several shades of blonde LOL

You might have seen this email...love the blondes of this world!

 

 1st Shade:
>
> A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
> The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment,
> and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.  The
> husband said, "Who was that?"  The wife said, "I don't know; some woman
> wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
>
>
>
> 2nd Shade:
>
> Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
> pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror,
> and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."  She hands it to the second
> blonde.  The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's
> me!"
>
>
>
> 3rd Shade:
>
> A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys
> a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door,
> she finds him in the arms of a  redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
> She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome
> with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.  The boyfriend yells,
> "No, honey, don't do it!"   The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
>
>
>
> 4th Shade:
>
> A blonde brags about her knowledge of American state capitals. She proudly
> says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them."  A friend says, "OK, what's
> the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'."
>
>
>
> 5th Shade:
>
> What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
> "Is it mine?"
>
>
>
> 6th Shade:
>
> A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she
> managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. "Wow!" the
> trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was trampled on by an
> elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
> "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.  "Well, how in the
> world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wreckedcar.
> "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
> along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of
> me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the
> left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was
> another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."  "Uh, madam," the
> officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a
> tree on this road for 30 miles, that was your air-freshener swinging back
> and forth."
>
>
>
> 7th Shade:
>
> Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been
> robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.  The
> police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
> patrolling nearby was the first  to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
> the house with his dog on a  leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
> shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the
> steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all
> my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They
> send me a BLIND policeman!"
>

MONDAY PHOTOSHOOT:SHADOWS

I quite like the way the shadows(or rather..silhouettes) highlight the sun and the car with its unatural light sneaking attention from the natural light of the sun.Quite by accident...no skill involved here :-)

Rockin girl blogger

Here are my 5 choices for ROCKIN GIRL BLOGGER

Thank you  my dear friend of 17 years , Caroline  , for nominating me as a rockin girl blogger! WOOHOO!My friend you would be on my list of rockin girl bloggers for sure cos you are my soul buddy and I LOVE keeping in touch with you!!Miss you!!YOU ROCK CARRIE!!!!!

 Bea: because as a fellow teacher in a foreign country, I find her journal so very interesting....she has very similar interest...children,nature,writing,photography etc.YOU ROCK BEA!!

Sheria is another awesome rockin girl blogger! She is witty, intelligent and I love seeing the world through her eyes.SHERIA, YOU ROCK!!

Kim is battling cancer but is an awesome warrior and she is my heroine! Despite her battle she makes us laugh and we love her for it! YOU ROCK GAL!!!!

Deb is a rocking blogger because I love the way she shares her family in such a caring and witty way...and her journal has BEAUTIFUL graphics! YOU ROCK DEB!!!

I would also like to nominate the following guy bloggers

Guido is one of my favourite man bloggers because he writes profusely :-) and always has something interesting to say!! YOU ROCK GUIDO!!!

John is another rocking blogger who is witty and whose journal will amaze you! YOU ROCK JOHN!!

thats it for the guys (for now)

Some of you have been nominated already...but who's counting...right? LOL

 

 

iPhone: The Musical

iPhone: The Musical :

Gifdude put this video about the iPhone in his journal.I'm sure he won't mind me sharing it.

 

Holiday at Hogsback

We have just returned from a week long stay in the mountains.As you can see it is a beautiful place.We were hoping for snow,and although it was bitterly cold at times, we even had rather warm weather.South Africas' winters are like that...you never know what to expect.Hogsback is part of the Amatola mountain range in the Eastern Cape in South Africa.It is named after the three peaks which look like a Hogs' back.

Hogs' back peaks

It was a precious gift to be able to spend time together surrounded by Gods' awesome creation.

 

Day at the beach

We are all on holiday at the moment YAY...two weeks of relaxing and spending quality time together!!!! We went on a fishing trip but came back sans fish....I did get some photos that I thought I'd share with you.I love lighthouses! This one is at Cape Receife (South Africa) and was built in 1851...with more buildings added on over time.

ps...for Guido :-)

Pretty Venus ear (shell of abalone)-from the phyllum mollusca

Meat of the abalone (in a bowl)

My son adopted a Hermit crab and named him Jeffery...(no crabs were

hurt in the taking of this photo :-)

That's my husband flying his kite (LOL...do they ever grow up :-)) Carrie...remember this kite ?LOL

The day was spoilt a bit by perlemoen (abalone)poachers.They are such a BRAZEN and ARROGANT bunch. A policeman rode onto the beach and waited on the side of the shore.We knew he was waiting for the poachers to appear and sure enough five men emerged like crabs from different areas of the surf. They were so rude and the language they used was awful.They had obviously left the abalone in the sea to avoid being caught.We spoke to the cop and he said they are fighting a losing battle...these poachers get millions in this illegal trade and they are doing an awful amount of damage to the ecosystem! The love of money truly is the root of all evil!

But despite that, we had a lovely day and that is what I love about holidays....we get more time to spend with those we love!

Beach boys...Travis(sensitive eyes!!)Nkosinathi (a friend) and Christopher

Dangerous job

I thought this would be a good photo to share (a good photoshop job that is :-)

 

PS I didn't do this one, it came in an email

Monday photo shoot:In your yard

Its winter right now so there aren't many flowers...so I posted what I normally have in the garden

.

Jeweldrops

Flutterbys

Inca Lillies (my late Dad gave me these and five years later they STILL come up...)

Eugenia berries (edible but a little tart)

Pretty flower (no idea what it is!It grows on a tree and never opens more than this)

These grow like weeds....but pretty anyway!

AND FINALLY............

our pet Duma the cheetah!

 

Whaaat? this IS Africa you know!!!

LOL- NO I DO NOT REALLY HAVE A PET CHEETAH!(went to game park to pet one....)

An inscription problem

 According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

LOL.....

Offensive?

I know this photo might offend some of you but I thought I'd share a bit of Africa with you. These men had bumped over and killed a cow and ,as in our country most of the population is starving , this is not really surprising to see.The green stuff is the cud removed from the intestines.It did upset my younger son when we drove by though (my elder son took the pic from his cell phone)Not a sight you see everyday, but a sight that is a reality check to those of us who can easily buy the food we need!I used the opportunity to educate my children!! They often pull up their noses at the meals I prepare for them!(sad that our country, like so many others, have the two extremes)

 

 

Idiots on the PC

Idiots on the computer

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.

LOL.....I don't feel as bad now and you??